Spidey Sense

The warming weather always brings them.

Uninvited they come marching in on all eight hairy legs. Some of them are small and unassuming- nestled in the highest corners out of reach, and as long as they don't move much from their throne I have resolved to leave them be- to munch on the flying gnats and "mozzies" which would otherwise be buzzing in my ear in the middle of my slumber.

Then there are the fast moving ones- the jumpers the "wolves" who never stay put because they are on the hunt and on the move, and on my STUFF! Those are the ones who must die a swift death- and if I am not stealthy enough, they manage to disappear and then re-appear when I am least expecting it. On my STUFF!

Then there are the Daddies. With their sleek, long nimble legs. Slow moving and hunters of other insects. This arthropod may or may not be an arachnid- but it sure looks spider-like to me! They are an easy kill- so I dispose of them quickly, and their thin bodies leave little mess to clean-up.

Finally there are the mothers of them all. The HUGE. The brown. The "so-hairy-I-could-braid-it-fingernail-sized-body-half-dollar-sized-with-legs"
prehistoric spiders that invade my room and simply hang out in plain sight to taunt me because they can. They are the ones that are so big, it makes me think for a split second that I live in the jungle, and they are so big, that I can literally SEE their mouth opening and closing without getting within arm's length!

That is the kind of spider I came home to on Saturday night. At midnight. Waiting. On my closet door. He was the last thing I wanted to deal with after such a long day. And I knew I couldn't leave him there because my closet is close to my bed. He was guarding the shoes I may have had a chance to squish him with- cheeky buggar- and the books, and the other large heavy objects that could have aided in his demise, but no, he wouldn't have that would he?

I ran to the kitchen and selected the heaviest glass I could find. I'd trap him for the night and deal with him in the morning. No mess to clean up- no fight to fight- and when I returned. HE WAS GONE! What the? Did the sucker know what I was up to?

So I did the only thing left I could do. I checked my bed, convinced myself he was hiding away (far away from me) and went to sleep. Oh, and then I asked God to find him for me.

The next morning I was brushing my teeth and had almost forgotten all about my face-off with Mr. Mother-Brown. Almost.

Until I opened the shower door to grab my face cleanser. And there he was. Keeping good watch over it for me. This felt familiar. Last year at this time- I faced off with Mr. Brown Mother's sister- sitting above the shower door and realized maybe this kind prefers the wet? Okay wait, seriously, do I live in a jungle??? I reached up and grabbed the shower head- turned on the hot water, and flushed him down the drain. He didn't jump. He didn't even fight. Maybe he was even rooting for me? Nah. I plugged the drain and made a mental note to flush the shower with water later that day (just to be sure).

Then I turned and reached for the door and a small gray spider and I made eye contact. Heh. You think YOU'RE scary after that sucka? Take THAT! I finished him off with a Kleenex.

And enjoyed it.

Arachnids: 0