By Grace Through Faith

The interesting thing I've discovered about God is that He remembers. A few posts back I mentioned going to a conference with speaker Jennifer Rothschild, and how it'd impacted a few things I was going through. That day I purchased one of her workbook devotionals called Walking By Faith because I wanted a "blind faith" like hers in areas I know full well that do not have any faith at all. I opened that workbook several weeks ago with no real pressure or goal to finish in a certain amount of time, but I did ask God to indeed show me how to "walk by faith".

Then the stinkin' love & intimacy series goes and rears it's head at my church and it was a chance to really discover areas I had NO faith left. I didn't want to get weaker after asking God to increase my faith, but there I was, weeping and having a temper tantrum like a toddler after hearing certain sermons because I realized my heart had gone stone cold! CRAP! Have you ever sat in church with your Bible opened to a passage you grew up hearing over and over while the pastor is preaching on it with a passion in his eyes and voice that is almost crying for us to "get it" while others in your same row are nodding and grunting "yes! preach it! glory!" but suddenly you realized- you wanted to take that Bible- chuck it AT the pastor and stand up and shout "oh please! GIVE ME A BREAK!" because you don't remotely believe that it's a possible truth at all? That's me. Miss "leader of a Bible Study". Miss "I accepted Christ at age 4". Miss "I Love God with my Heart, Soul, Mind . . . It' was heartbreaking. I'm sure more to God than to me. But the funny thing is, I wasn't even aware of the doubt in my heart until God went and REMEMBERED something I asked Him to show me.

A few weeks later there I am, at another conference in San Francisco with the biggest of the big-wig Women's Bible teachers alive today. I don't get star-struck because I work around famous people daily- but as soon as Beth Moore and Kay Arthur's names flashed on the jumbo-trons I was sitting up straight ready to devour their every word and on the verge of tears. Why? Because I envy their faith. Because I knew that there was no way I was leaving that weekend without a personal message from the Holy Spirit through what those women had to say to my very heart. And I was determined to listen up.

Last week I was back at church and the Love & Intimacy series was back in swing with "God's View of Singleness" where being joyful in all circumstances, and finding contentment "where you are" were the main points. And I noticed something different - heart was at peace this time. Now, instead of seething in my seat, I settled in. Instead of battling an urge to hurl my heavy Bible at the stage, I took comfort in the truth of it's Word, and I realized that whatever it said- even if I didn't understand or "see" any hope for it, I believe it.

On Monday, during our small group discussion, I asked the girls if they'd had any "themes" arise from the series so far. I shared that the theme I'd noticed the most was "Faith & Grace." I thought about my theme more that night before I went to bed, and asked the Lord to help make me more solid in His Word and I decided to start to make scripture memorization a priority. But I don't know where to start! I prayed so I asked Him to show me.

At the San Francisco conference, there was a key verse that was written all over their brochures and handouts. And I decided that if after I read my Bible a bit and didn't have a verse to memorize, I'd start with that one. "Coincidentally" I randomly flipped open my Bible and it "landed" on Psalm 1:3 THAT EXACT VERSE from the conference!

So I just giggled at the hilarity of it all, settled in, and committed the passage to memory. Today, in all "coincidences" Bible Gateway's verse of the day was Jeremiah 17:7-8.
Which is basically the exact verse re-worded. The message is crystal clear by now.

Today, Ephesians 2 came up in my devotion time and it again was no coincidence that the very themes I shared with the girls was written all over this passage. Grace & Faith. Grace & Faith. Grace & Faith! By God's Grace only can I Walk in Faith. It was never anything I wasn't doing because I wasn't trying hard enough. It was always about God, and never about me. It is by His Grace through Faith that I get to Walk in it. Finally, finally, it's starting to make sense. 6 weeks, 2 conferences, and several sermons later.

I share all of this not because I think I have a "this is how you do it" way to gain faith. But because I didn't even remember that prayer about asking God to help me walk by faith until he remembered for me by showing me.

Sometimes it's so easy to get wrapped up in our circumstances- in the sicknesses of our loved ones, in the trouble in our homes, in the struggle of finances- those are such real problems and it's impossible to have faith that it'll get better when sometimes the reality is that on earth, it just won't. But having faith isn't about any of that. It's about being like the tree that Psalms & Jeremiah speak of that is "planted by streams of water" so that we have the kind of nourishment (the confidence and truth of God's Word) that will not fail us even in times of drought. And it's by God's Grace - not my own doing so that I can not boast.

There are several other specifics on that prayer list of mine. Prayers for healings, for restorations, for resolve, for mercy. I know God remembers those too. I hope that His remembering them means that they get answers in a way I think is best. I have faith that however they are answered, that God is merciful and sovereign, and His Word is Truth even when I don't understand the "why?" I pray that if you read to the end of this post, and you don't know what I am talking about when I mention Faith & Grace, that you too, will ask God the same question that I did several weeks ago. Because I can tell you from experience now that he'll remember to answer you, and he'll remind you that it was because you asked him. And it's SO worth the journey.