January 28, 2006

I'm currently editing this bride's video and so far- it has asked the most of me.

I thought living this day was going to be the hardest of all. I thought that I would never get used to not being her roommate, her new last name, that ring on her finger, or the change in our friendship.

But this day was easy because up until that last second where she left for her wedding night I was with her- in the same vicinity at least. It was the next day when I passed her empty room that I felt the "missing" . . . that was the most bittersweet.

So I bawled my eyes out, and moped, and then I finally, finally let her go. I didn't think that would be possible, but it turns out that letting her go never meant I'd need to love her any less, or that she stopped loving me back. In fact, it is just another kind of blessing that comes with being sisters.

And being her sister stays forever.

(still, it didn't make editing her wedding video a whole year and a half later any easier on the old emotions as I watched the footage over, over, and over . . . ).

Being Spoiled

Call me spoiled. Go ahead, I'm waiting.

S-P-O-I-L-E-D.

Thanks. I agree. I agree because if being spoiled means NOT having a regular 40+ hour work week, then I am spoiled. If being spoiled means that somehow six months ago I resolved to become freelance and wait tables but my boss decided he wanted to keep me around enough to offer me shorter hours without cancelling my health insurance benefits, and a pension plan . . . then I am completely spoiled.

If being spoiled means that right around that time I picked up so much side work shooting and editing various projects that the "extra" time I set aside vanished- then I am amazingly spoiled. If alongside of that, I somehow suddenly found myself needing a few more hours in the day to be able to prep diligently for the Women's Ministry tasks and studies and there those hours were- then I am blissfully spoiled.

If being spoiled means that I am constantly aware of every penny I spend because I no longer have that comfortable cushion of extra cash by the end of my pay period to lean on- yet all of my bills are miraculously paid and I even have managed a way to save a teeny bit . . . then I am supernaturally spoiled.

I am.

I know this because I worked a full 40+ hour work week in the office this week after shooting a wedding on the weekend, and running from BBQ to BBQ because gosh-darn it I wanted SOME kind of a holiday weekend with friends & family. After my office hours I worked on side projects that have deadlines looming and thankfully had cancelled my own Bible Study because it turns out I didn't have time to prep for it. On top of all that- I had to pound 4 Advil every 4 hours for 3 days straight because of certain . . . (can we say mood swings!!)

Man am I spoiled.

Next week I'll get my life back a bit as my hours return to "normal" but did I mention we are "letting go" of the girl that took on the extra office hours I cut back on? So spoiled! Why? Because now my boss believes in me enough to let me run his office solo on a part-time schedule and to increase hours when I (my pocketbook/ his work load) needs it.

I'm writing this as a reminder to myself because for a minute there in the midst of inconvenience I was tempted to complain. I was exhausted, over-worked, and overwhelmed with "tasks" that really will get done, just not to my "convenient" preference, so last night, I did what I could, and then shut down all of the electronics demanding attention and put myself to bed at a decent hour and lo and behold there I was, wide awake at 6am with nothing to do! TIME had come back to me!!

It was the first morning in months where I started my day without rush. So I opened my Bible and spent that time with the Lord instead of thinking about the deadlines and tasks and bills ahead like my "responsible self" likes to do. The tasks, and the deadlines- they are all still there- looming . . . but complaining and fretting about them doesn't bring me any closer to being finished, because on the way to those deadlines and tasks- life happens! And then somehow, it all works itself out.

Oh look! I have a little extra cash this month from my extra hours to cover those nasty school loans due today. Hallelujah!

Spoiled me.

Something to Chew on . . .

The topic of Dating came up an awful lot this weekend with several of my friends. I never once initiated the topic of conversation either, which means either it must be in the air or people think I need to talk about it. Lots.

I came across this take on it and something about it really struck me. Actually, it kind of reminds me of my sister's story (although there WAS a period of "dating" for them before the actual engagement).

It's just interesting that's all. Enjoy the read if you wish.