Waiting...

I've been waiting to post again because I wanted to do it all at once... Brian and my wedding was featured on 2 blogs this week, and if you haven't already seen the pictures on facebook (or aren't completely over it) here is a new Wedding blog that picked up "our story" and did a feature on our wedding!

It makes me smile because being a vendor in the wedding industry - this mention is super cool, and as a Bride to make this kind of spotlight, it's completely humbling as our wedding day had so many kinks and imperfections, and at times our attitudes were less than stellar... yet we still made the front postings of an industry blog.

Of course, I can't take all the credit, most of it falls upon our photographers who documented the day with their artistic edge, but next, the credit belongs to the amazing people that helped carry this wedding on their backs to get us down the aisle, and so I wanted to make sure that I took a moment to thank a few of them.

My MOH: Jaime, my sister. Thank you for taking on so much- too much sometimes, to help me get this wedding to where I wanted it and more.
From making my veil, to finding the feathers for my hairpiece, to sewing the blankets, helping construct the invites, the centerpieces, hosting the parties, being my workout partner, and trudging through the meltdowns... you were there for everything, and sometimes I leaned on you way too hard, but you stayed right there, never backing down, never resting. You know I'd do it for you, and hope to when you need to lean right back.

My Mom-in-law: Sue, you always go above and beyond. Sometimes we just couldn't stop you but it was such a blessing to have so many personal touches of your care along the way. From the welcome bags to all our out of town guests, to the home-cooked meals, the location scouting, attending the tastings, being in the forefront of negotiations, and the constant troubleshooting, you were the liaison between NorCal and SoCal that we needed so desperately to pull it off in the time frame we did. On top of all that, you took care of your own family, and went to work everyday. Our thanks is not enough, but we are ever grateful for everything.

Lydia: My brand new sister-in-law! Thank you for being there the final days before the wedding. You are a dynamo and it was a pleasure to get to know you more. Knowing you were in charge of overseeing the reception tables and decor, I never worried or second guessed it would get done, and walking down the aisle and seeing it all had come together better than I expected was so special. Now, you're a new bride too and we're family, so I look forward to the many other events we'll swim through together.

***

In the meantime, I've been settling in to married life (which was really easy to do) and dealing with a million changes all at once which brought on a funk I didn't expect to trudge through so soon as a newlywed. It has nothing to do with my marriage, and everything to do with me, (which makes me feel worse) and everything that used to define me... my job (gone), my singleness (over), my ministry (in limbo), my roles (changing), my needs (different), my goals (shifted), my routine (adjusting)...

Marriage brought with it (coincidentally) an end to so many things that were a part of who I was for so long, that without all of it, I suddenly felt sad. Then I felt sad for being sad and newly married when I really was so, so happy...

I'm still here, in the valley, because all of the change is still happening, and I am trying to walk forward towards whatever it is God has for me next, while dealing with the unexpected grief I can't really explain that came with the loss of things I thought I didn't care about.

It's complicated, and weird, and makes no sense-- which is why I have resisted writing until now.
But I look forward to what is waiting there for me at the end of the valley, and I am starting to remember, that there indeed, is joy waiting for me in the morning.

Our wedding pictures were a reminder of that for me this week. They documented the joy in between the chaos, and the mistakes, and the imperfections and disasters of the beast of our wedding-- and what was left is all that mattered, the snapshots of joy found in a new life together.

May my heart find hope in that example of the Gospel.