To offer? Or not to offer...

My Starbucks run this morning presented to me a great dilemma.

There was a very aged man with a cane, white hair, and thick glasses standing at the bar side, and the barista instantly whipped up a cappuccino for him. He didn't have to stand in line to order, he didn't have to wait to receive it, and he didn't care about getting his change back- he just handed the guy 2 bucks and shuffled then to the sugar. (The barista ended up coming out front to place the change in his hand and the man had no idea what was going on).

I, by this time, was done ordering with drink in hand to also go and sugar and milk my drip and watched the aged man struggle to grab onto the sweet 'n low packet. His hands trembled. The pink packet refused to budge. Then he went for it again and hooked onto about 5 at a time, put one down in front of him, replaced the rest, went to grab another, missed, grabbed too many, put them back, tremble, tremble, and -- done! He finally had in trembling hand 2 pink packets!

By this time, I was done sugaring and milking my own cafe' and I was struggling to know what I should do.
Struggling while I watched him struggle.
And then he went for it. The task of ripping the 2 pink packets open with his trembling, uncoordinated, aged hands ... and he missed, they bent but did not budge, and so he shook, and trembled, and tried again, and then I couldn't take it anymore. I smiled at him and asked,

"Can I open those for you?"
"Huh? What's that?"
"Your packets. Would you like me to tear those for you?"
And he curiously cocked his head a bit at me like puppies do when they hear strange noises.
So I pantomimed it. (Maybe he couldn't her me)
Point to "Packets", hands pretend to rip the air "tear it?"
And he smiles a huge gummy smile, and pantomimes back by taking the packets up to his mouth and pretending to bite them open!

By this time, I realized that I wasn't getting anywhere and he wasn't in need at all.
He was just slow.
"I ain't dead yet!" He said loudly and everyone near by turned to witness the exchange.
"I'm close, but not dead!"
"Of course, well you enjoy."
And I rushed off without my pride.

The thing is, if I had never offered to help the old man, I would have felt guilty all day- like I had been a bad servant. And so selfish.
And yet when I DID offer to help him, I left feeling felt bad that I'd made him feel uncomfortable for pointing out his weakness (to him and maybe to anyone else who was in earshot).

I guess I can't be too hard on myself for being shot down after offering to help a stranger, but it made me think about what it looks like to be a good servant to those in need- IE, the elderly, the disabled, the weak...

Does offering to help them accomplish tasks that they may feel an empowerment of independence from actually put them down? Does it make me (the offer-er) arrogant for thinking that his execution of the sugar packets was met with great difficulty and therefore not efficient and therefore not good enough and so he needs MY help to make it best? (after all- he ain't DEAD yet)

I am sure I am reading way too much into this exchange, but it's probably because I have been mulling over the whole serving others thing on a larger perspective.

I am the first to admit I have no idea where the middle may be (if there is one.)
A middle where the weak feel cared for but not demoralized, and where the servants serve out of motives of care and not criticism.
A middle where even if the weak feel weak because the strong offer to help, that they graciously accept it anyways, and maybe even feel loved through it. A middle where the offer-er doesn't care at all if he/she is demoralized for offering.

I'll offer next time. Even if they hurt my feelings for not wanting it.
Even if I hurt their feelings for offering.